i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
