What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
