when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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