My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
