I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
