what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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