he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize