totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
