One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
