I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
