i just wanna soil my oats bro
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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