i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
