Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize