whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
