Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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