they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
