Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I cut my penus on the lid.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize