You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize