mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
