He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
