Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
