if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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