I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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