i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
