I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
