mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
