This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
