i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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