just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
