I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
