It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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