So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
