that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
