Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
