I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
