My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
