I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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