That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize