five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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