At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
