Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
