I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
