i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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