I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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