She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
