So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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