I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it glows. i had to have it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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