Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
