windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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