1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
