You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
