You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
