I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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