you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
