M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
