her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
