I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
