i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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