I didn't shave. On purpose
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
