yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize