I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
