You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
