Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
NoShamevember. You game?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
