Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
