I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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