Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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