I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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