i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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